guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
