i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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