pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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