WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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