I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
