why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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