You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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