ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
