You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
