Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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