Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
