Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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