It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
