and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
