i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
