WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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