My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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