there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
