i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
