She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
