People with herpes should wear stickers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
