we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
