new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
