she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
