I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
