Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
