While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
