we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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