I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize