i may or may not be watching the land before time
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
