Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we should paint friendship bongs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
