My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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