Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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