So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
