Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
