I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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