Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
