she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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