Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
