im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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