I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
