I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
