so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
