I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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