This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
