I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize