Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize