I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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