She is in my trunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
