I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize