So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
