The maid of honor just puked.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
