It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
