I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
