last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
