You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
