I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
