I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
