I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
