He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
